s I rode to Dover that cool December morning, I marveled at the pure beauty of the snow covered hills, the cool crisp air, and Dover nestled in the bottom of the valley. At the top of the big hill, I stopped and viewed the town. It was beautiful, with four inches of fresh snow and several strings of Christmas lights still on from the night before. From my vantage point I could see the town square, decorated with red and green Christmas lights; Rudolph the red nose reindeer; and a thirty foot Santa Claus. The Baptist church had set up a nativity scene next to the plastic Santa, sleigh and candy canes. Wise men on camels carried treasure for Mary, Joseph and a newborn Jesus. Young children were sledding in the park and a group of carolers were on a street corner, greeting passerbys with Christmas cheer. If Norman Rockwell were still alive, he would be painting Christmas scenes in downtown Dover. It made me wonder why I ever considered making fun of Doverites.
The road there had been cleaned in the wee hours of the morning by our ever efficient State highway workers. And I had no problem riding to Bike n Bobs Bike Store. I was looking for gifts, to put on my Christmas list. Hoping that maybe, Judith my loving, understanding, non-biking wife, would spring for an expensive Descente Solar Jacket or a pair of Pearl Izumi lobster gloves. As I browsed the shop, I don't know why I let Bike n Bob talk me into it, You'd think I'd wise up, but being the super salesman he is, I couldn't resist.....
Bob has just started selling Santana Tandems out of his Dover Bike Shop. And sitting in the center of his display floor was the new Santana Team Titanium Ti-26. Six thousand nine hundred and ninety-five dollars worth of Mountain biking fun and action. As I stood there, drooling over the best looking frame I'd ever seen, Bob sneaked up behind me and whispered in my ear:
"Like to take this baby for a spin?"
The words ran into my ear and strange thoughts started circling inside my brain..... Me, on a $7000 bike?..... Hammering down hills at over 50 mph..... Powering past Roadies, as I, on the captain's seat, barked out commands to my Stoker on the rear.
"Faster Dog Breath" I envisioned myself yelling at the poor Category 1 Racer I had chained to the rear seat..... Finally, I could ride with the big boys! No more being dropped when they sprinted for the next stop sign... Hey, they'd be Wheel Sucking off me for a change!
"I'd love to Bob! But who am I going to ride with?"
"I'd take you myself, but I'm awful busy straightening the frame on your MB-3. Just leave your MasterCard on the Counter and ride with the next person that comes in."
As I nodded my head in agreement, and slipped my card onto the counter, the shop door opened; that little bell rang, announcing another customer; and in walked....
"Jim the Animal"!
"Oh God, Not Jim!" I thought silently to myself.
I found myself on the back of a rapidly accelerating tandem, as we rolled down Main street, east toward Topeka. Jim and I had argued about who was going to sit up front for a good fifteen minutes. Bike n Bob, wanting some peace and quite in his shop, finally flipped a coin and Jim won the toss. He elected to drive.
The first thing I noticed was I had no control over anything. I couldn't steer, I couldn't brake, I couldn't even stop pedaling and coast. I was at the complete mercy of Jim's thundering thighs. He was quickly shifting through the gears and the cranks under my feet were whirling at the highest cadence I had ever experienced. With every shift onto a smaller clog, my Quads would groan and refuse to work. But Jim's powerful stroke would force my legs around again and on the upstroke my calves would scream out in pain. Each time I heard the click of the derailleur, my mind prepared itself for a river of pain that would shoot up through my legs. When we finally got on the Big ring up front and the smallest gear on the freewheel, Jim yelled back:
"Are you ready to Hammer?"
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